Clergy Resources
Theological Reflection on Blessing Same-Gender Unions
Sacred Unions: What we believe we are doing when we bless them
What do we think the Church is doing when it blesses same gender unions? And how do such unions relate to Christian marriage as described in the Book of Common Prayer? As we attempt to answer these questions, our hope is that a spirit of "mutual forbearance" (Eph 4:1-3) and respect for conscientious disagreement will continue to prevail among us, for the sake of our common witness to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
A holy or sacred union is a godly, life-long covenant of two persons to be faithful to one another in mutual care and affection, becoming one with each other, as a means of sanctification and for the service of God. Since same-gender marriage has no legal status in Maryland and since neither the Book of Common Prayer nor the Canons have yet been altered to authorize use of the marriage liturgy for same-gender couples, we will be exploring the use of a different liturgy to bless same-gender unions and a different term, “sacred union,” to include any union, whether same-gender or opposite-gender, that exhibits the characteristics listed above. Theological reflection on the blessing of same-gender unions may help us more deeply ground our understanding of all sacred unions in Christian faith and discipleship. We believe that the (a) goals, (b) vows, and (c) sacramental character of all sacred unions are the same as, or at least very similar to, Christian marriage as defined in the Prayer Book. All such unions involve the “sanctification of nearness.” They are a means of grace and promote growth in holiness. Adapted from the Episcopal Diocese of Ohio with permission
(a) The Goals Defining Sacred Unions
In the Book of Common Prayer, three goals (or ends) are given for Christian marriage. They are: (1) “mutual joy”; (2) “the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity”; and (3) “when it is God’s will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord” (BCP, p. 423). The first reflects the divine joy among the three persons of the Trinity, who give themselves to each other for all eternity in a perfect communion of mutual love among equals. Human beings are never so fully one as the Trinity, yet the triune being of the one God is the creative source of human tendencies toward friendship, community, and ecstatic joy in the near presence of the beloved. The second goal of marriage reminds us of God’s consistent fidelity to God's covenants—and, above all, of the mystery of Christ and the Church (Eph 5:32). Sacred unions point us to the humble agape-love that Jesus showed for all people, which Paul uses as a model for life in Christian community (Philippians 2:1-18). Pure love in which each person seeks the good of the other in an unqualified manner, sets the standard for any Christian community, including that which exists within a sacred union. The fact that we fall short of it in no way detracts from this standard. As we shall see, this goal is central to the vows the partners make. The third goal of marriage shows that the purpose of a sacred union extends beyond the couple. Traditionally, this is expressed in terms of the procreation and Christian nurture of children. This third goal is qualified by the phrase “when it is God’s will,” because not all unions involve children, whether through birth or adoption. Where a couple has children, their union must open up to welcome them and form them in the knowledge and love of the Lord, in imitation of Christ's own hospitality and call to discipleship. At the same time, all sacred unions, with or without children, must have a purpose beyond themselves. This is reflected in the prayers: “Give them such fulfillment of their mutual affection that they may reach out in love and concern for others.” (BCP, p. 429) Like Jesus himself, Christians live in community not purely for our own sake but also for our neighbor's. Sacred unions strengthen us to love and serve the Lord.
(b) The Vows Defining Sacred Unions
In the Prayer Book, the promises and vows that frame Christian marriage help define the sort of relationship the Church is blessing. The form and content of the vows should be fundamentally the same for all sacred unions. Each person promises "to take" the other as his or her partner (in the Prayer Book, the traditional, gendered terms, husband and wife, are used) "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death" (BCP, p. 427). Similar definitions of the relationship are found in the declaration of consent earlier in the liturgy (BCP, p. 424), which highlights the voluntary character of the union. The declaration adds "forsaking all others" and the notion of being "faithful." Hence, exclusive fidelity to a single partner is presupposed and put into effect by the promises.
Three things should be noted about the promises and vows themselves. First, they are lifelong in intent. The Church now recognizes the tragic reality of divorce and makes pastoral provision for remarriage under certain circumstances, but the couple ought to work to preserve and nurture their union, so that it may endure for a lifetime. In some cases, such as abandonment, adultery, or abuse (physical, emotional, or psychological), divorce may be the best option. Second, three clauses, "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health," express an unconditional commitment to the partner, regardless of circumstance. No hedging of bets is permitted. As already noted, this is related to the second goal of marriage, "the help and comfort given to one another in prosperity and adversity." Third, the heart of the vows is "to love and to cherish." "Love" means that Christ sets the standard. Sacred unions involve a calling to love our partners as Christ loves the Church. Neither passion nor romance, important as these are, is sufficient to sustain us in this vocation over time. Friendship and agape-love of the partner are both necessary. Sacred unions, as Christian communities, are schools of charity, in which we encounter difference and practice forgiveness, justice, and reconciliation. "Cherish" indicates that sacred unions are close and intimate relationships, unions "in heart, body, and mind" (BCP, p. 423) in which each one of us places a preeminent value on the particularities and person of our partner. An additional consideration to note is that these vows are witnessed, not only by God but by the community. No provision is made to write one's own vows. This reflects the fact that one is entering into a publicly accountable institution and divinely-given sacrament, not of one's own making. This is not to denigrate the relationships of those couples, same-gender and opposite-gender, who may decline for various reasons to enter into publicly accountable unions. Their experience and presence among us does raise important and complex issues for Christian ethics and pastoral care, to which the Church must also respond, but since they are not seeking the Church's blessing, these issues do not concern us here.
(c) The Sacramental Character of Sacred Unions
The last remaining task is to say something about the sacramental character of sacred unions. In the Prayer Book, the Church is said to celebrate, witness, and bless a marriage but never to create it (BCP, p. 423), where "celebration and blessing" is used in the title and "witness and bless" in the first full paragraph after the rubrics). The union of the couple "in heart, body, and mind" is something they enact in all the details of their life together before God. In fact, this reality precedes the liturgy, and it continues to be forged afterwards. Nevertheless, the act of celebrating, witnessing, and blessing does create a change, even for couples who have been together for some time. Within the liturgy itself, it is the couple's exchange of vows that effects the union. The blessing comes later in the rite (BCP, p. 430), after the couple has already been pronounced husband and wife and the community has prayed (BCP, p. 428-429). The change in question is fundamentally one of mutual, unqualified commitment, publicly offered and witnessed, in the context of communal celebration and blessing. As with other sacraments, the grace conveyed is related to the form of the signs used to signify that grace. As the liturgy unfolds, the couple's life together comes to embody the faithful, mutual, loving union of Christ and the Church. If same-gender unions are defined by substantially similar goals and vows and blessed in the context of a similar liturgy, then the sacramental reality is the same, or at least very similar and in no sense inferior. All the sacraments are ways that God continues to make the incarnate Christ visible, tangible, and effective throughout history and in the lives of human beings. The sacraments draw us ever deeper into the mystery of Jesus in his living, dying, and rising for the life of the world. The Holy Spirit, who fills them with their life-giving power, is always one and the same.
Note: It should be acknowledged that there is considerable discussion about whether to speak of same-gender or same-sex unions. We have opted for the former term because we think it is less distracting, though perhaps less accurate.